World Pastry Domination

Mike: Maybe I'll go get some food. Pastries.

Ry: A want a burger. A big juicy one made from cows that were mistreated and fed things that are bad for the environment. Raised in South America, shipped to Europe then shipped to the States.

Mike: I want one made from the most pampered cow on earth, like it's so obese because it never even moves and it has slaves and eats only organic brioche or something.

Ry: Ooh, yeah.

Mike: Pastry fed animals, I think that's a good idea.

Ry: I want one that the farmer decimated a huge portion of the rain forest to make pasture for this one cow.

Mike: Maybe pastry fed chickens which lay eggs for pastries which are fed again to the chickens until they're basically just laying things that taste exactly like pastries. Then take those eggs, make some more pastries, then feed them to pigs and then feed them to each other until they taste really awesome and then make some of those roast pork buns with them.

Ry: The most magical animals on the planet, pastry roast pork bun pigs.

Mike: Oh, and when you use those eggs for like French toast or pancakes they'll be crazy awesome. All of the carcasses of all of the delicious animals get ground up to make fertilizer for a field of wheat which will be used to make flour for pastries, bread and other baked goods.

Ry: So awesome. We should do this.

Mike: It will get to the point where people will pass out when they walk past the pastries. We'll be able to gain political power, probably.

Ry: Oooh.

Mike: And then we'll control the whole planet's food supply and make it all circular with pastries and stuff in mind and the highest form will be the pastries with chocolate and that creamy custard stuff in them and people will weep with joy when they see us.

Ry: LOL

Mike: And they'll fall to their knees. And they'll hear the angel voices and basically our lives will be sweet.

Ry: They'll toss flowers and babies at us, but only cute babies. Not the fucked up googly-eyed ones.

Mike: Yeah ugly babies wil be discarded like on Willy Wonka with the Eggdicator. Bad eggs go down the chute to the furnace.

Ry: We won't even use them to fertilize our fields.

Mike: I've realised this sounds a bit like eugenics now, and we sound a bit like Nazis.

Ry: But Nazis didn't have magical pastry animals. We're the good guys!

Mike: Oh Holy Mike, the stars are brightly shiiiiining. It is the night of our dear saviour's birth. FAAAAALLL on your KNEEEEEEEEES! Oh HEEEEEAAAAAR the angel VOOOOIIIIICES! Oh MIIIIIIIIIIKE DIVIIIIIIINE!

Ry: LOL. Oooooh niiiight when pastry pork bun pig was boooooorn.

Mike: There will be huge cathedrals for us, and we won't go there very often because it will be boring, but they'll have to.

Ry: With pics of us done in HUGE stained glass windows.

Mike: We'll just go there when we're on vacation or whatever and take photos of the interior. Ooh creepy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Eugenics_congress_logo.png

Ry: I need to save this chat so if one of us does become some crazy dictator we can look back on our beginnings and write a book. See, we're just trying to make it better for everyone! I wonder if that's what all those crazy people were really thinking. It's hard to believe that someone could be that insane.

Mike: I don't think anyone ever thinks, 'Oh, I'm gonna be evil.'

Ry: True

Mike: They always do stuff out of self preservation (usually an extremely inflated instinct for survival) or because they think they're making it better for people (usually a specific group, which becomes the only group which matters to them).

Ry: All that came about from us talking about eating.

Mike: Yeah.